Feeling a bit smushy I guess.
But I love the feeling I get when this happens :)
He is my first love. And I think I still love him deep down, despite how I try to act ilike I don’t care about him. It’s distracting and I just want to feel indifferent about him.
I thought I had moved on, but I now know I definitely haven’t. We were only in a relationship for a year and a few months and we ended things about four months ago.
I don’t want to come across as one of those “stupidly in love” 18/19 year old girls. Because I think I genuinely did/do love him. But that we are not right together at this moment in time.
There is no point in me thinking about him like I do. :( I don’t know if I should talk to him either…we haven’t spoken for about two months or more because I was so upset about him ending things that I couldn’t face speaking to him and tried to just cut him out of my life. I went as far as deleting his number and as a ”friend” on Facebook, because I know that if I see something about him with someone else, I won’t be able to take it.
I have no idea how he feels about me. It’s a long story in that sense…
It hasn’t worked… I find myself seeing things, laughing knowing that he’d find it funny too and then realising that we don’t speak anymore…
Overall, I just want my friend back despite how badly things ended and how ridiculously he acted/treated me towards the end of our relationship. :/
A real gentleman knows that it takes what won her, to keep her.
He said more than once before that he finds me living at university two hours away hard enough…so, what is this going to be like…?
I am so, so upset at the thought of him being in a country whose time difference is about 11 hours ahead of England and a 24 hour flight away… on the other side of the world. :’( And yeah, he says only two years, but I feel he’ll probably decide to stay out there.
I don’t want to rain on his parade, because when I told him that I may be moving to America to study at Berklee College of Music last year (I turned the place down) he was so excited and happy for me and urged me to go without even showing one hint of the worries he had deep down.
He is so excited about this and telling me all about it in this hyper voice, sending me links and stuff. He phoned me today saying he had such good news…but this just shocked me, it came out of no where. I know he wanted to move abroad eventually, like I do, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. He and his mother said that they would love to ask me to move with him, but they know I’m still at university for the next four years so that’s out of the question.
I am happy for him and I want him to take this opportunity, but I find it hard to project simply happiness and my excitement for him because it’s outweighed by my worries and sadness and I feel so selfish being so upset, but I honestly can’t help it. It hasn’t even happened yet, but I just feel that I don’t know what to do to get rid of my pessimism.
We both want to carry on the relationship obviously, when he moves, the thought of ending it hasn’t even crossed our minds lol, but it’s just scary. It’s a lot different then living a two hour train journey away…
Feel free to give me some advice or something :(